Internet Parenting - 2. Social Networking

Disclaimer:  This is not my best written work ever.  This topic is massive and this is a simple introduction.  I have provided links to articles throughout the piece I hope will expand on some of the topics addressed.

Trying to explain all the intricacies of all social networking tools in a simple few paragraphs is simply a ridiculous undertaking.  My goal here is to give parents some resources they can use to better understand social networking and how it affects the life of your tween.  If you, as a parent don’t social network you need to!  Get a Facebook account, get a Twitter account, get a Google account and join the rest of the world!

What Is Social Networking?

Simply put social networking is a tool that allows a person to keep in constant contact with those they desire to keep in contact with (sometimes called “friends”, “contacts”, “connections” etc.).  These tools are in real time and generally mobile device centric (to get the most out of the services you use them on a mobile device which is always connected to the internet).  They can be run on any internet enabled device and are a tremendously effective means of communication.  Social networking tools such as Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and simple text messaging have basically made previous forms of communication obsolete.  Telephone, mail, and even email are, by modern standards, slow and inefficient.   

Click here for an excellent definition by Wikipedia

Social Networking Climate

As stated above social networking is primarily a real time communication medium.  So it’s just communication right, how does this affect my life as a parent?  Simple answer; A LOT!  Some of you may have familiarity with “party lines”, where you shared a phone number with several people.  Imagine a party line to literally hundreds, if not thousands or even millions of people that never hangs up.  Welcome to online communication and the world your child lives in!  Your child is literally in constant contact with their entire peer group.  This peer group is not limited to people they have physically met either.  Through social networking one can easily become connected with people all over the world who may share interests, friends, or any other similarities.  The next time you start to question why junior is always staring at the damn computer, phone, tablet, etc. there’s your answer!  They are literally using their device to “hang out” with their peer group.  

Click here for information on a series of Social Networking sites specifically for parents

Scared Yet?

If the idea of free and open mass communication for literally every person scares you maybe it’s time to get off the bench and get involved?  Now before we start staring over junior’s shoulder or taking away their devices let’s stop and think about a couple things.  First, you need to put your technophobia away and actually start getting involved.  Secondly you need to understand how much of a role social networking plays in the social climate of the modern high school.  I know you are going through a dozen ways to prevent your child from using their devices, but in short you can’t!  There have been some changes since we were kids and you need to put your ego away and come to grips with the fact that, like when we were kids, parents are for the most part out of touch and absolutely do not understand the world their kids live in.  Once you make this admission the learning can begin!

The Dangers 

Social networking is not inherently dangerous with simple understandings of things like privacy policies and security settings.  That being said, privacy and personal security are always concerns, especially with children.  In general the mindset of children has not changed.  They think they are invincible, they are reluctant to recognize that there are consequences to their actions, and they are immature and irresponsible.  Sound familiar?  So how do we parent in a virtual environment like social networking?  The reality is that this portion of parenting hasn’t changed:  You need to instill good values and practices in your kids and hope they apply them.  You can’t monitor them 24 hours a day and there are more ways today for them to hide what they’re doing from you than ever before.  You also need to keep lines of communication open and you need to pay attention to them when they talk.  

Danger 1 – Oversharing

Kids tend to forget that, like a tattoo, the internet is forever!  What you share online doesn’t go away…..ever!  Despite privacy policies, security settings, or how much one limits their contacts; what gets posted online can become public very easily and never goes away!  There have been several cases of unfortunate kids sharing compromising pictures and revealing personal information online which was later turned against them either accidentally or by hostile peer groups and shared openly.  A very real modern problem Police everywhere are cautioning about is the sharing of sexually explicit pictures amongst teens.  It is happening (yeah, I bet those parents said the same thing) and it is ruining lives.  One thing you need to pound into your kids is to be very vigilant about what they share.  A simple test before posting is to simply ask the question; “would I be okay with someone outside my network seeing this?”  You can’t stop your kids from posting to their social networks, but you need to have a real and serious conversation about the permanence of the internet.  Sharing intimate things with their friends is still best done in person or over a phone voice conversation.  This limits the danger of their intimate thoughts or images being put on public display for the internet to see.

Click here to read a great article on Oversharing and how not to do it

Danger 2 – Cyberbullying 

The media has turned “cyberbullying” into quite the buzzword lately.  There have been a rash of suicides attributed to it and the media has, as per usual, done nothing to actually explain the concept beyond giving a catchy title and using it to further their anti-technology agenda.  Cyberbullying is one of the very negative things social media is being used for by people, kids especially.  There have always been bullies.  We had them, our parents had them, and I’m sure even cavemen had them.  That hasn’t changed.  What has changed is how they ply their craft.  Schools have cracked down heavily in the last decade on physical and emotional bullying in school.  Being accused of bullying can carry heavy penalties and overt bullying has decreased heavily as a result on school grounds.   
Bullying has however increased substantially over social networking.  “How come they don’t just shut it off or ‘unfriend’ the bully so they can’t get to them online?”  Sounds pretty simple right?  Until we actually realize and make the attempt to understand that kids are virtually unable to disconnect from their social networks.  It is how they communicate with their peer groups.  It is how they socialize.  It isn’t a bad thing, just very different from the way we did things.  Unfortunately this means that in order to escape a bully by disconnecting the victim is literally required to sever many communicative ties with their peers.  Just like when we were in high school, this can be emotionally devastating to a teen.  The other problem is that, like the bullies that infested our schools, there are the toadies (yup it is “A Christmas Story” reference).  Imagine a bully capable of amassing hundreds or even thousands of toadies (now called “Trolls”) to help them attack a victim.  Then we take into account the fact that children today are in constant communication with their social networks and we realize that they don’t even have the luxury of going home to get away.  Cyberbullying is literally an inescapable prison for a child.  So what can we do?  The answer is simply that every situation is different.  Understanding your child’s situation and position is key.  Cyberbullying can be very harmful and it is something, if you are aware of it, that I recommend seeking professional help with.  Both your local schools and police can provide resources to aid you.

Click here to visit Cyberbullying.ca for more resources on the subject

Make Friends with Google!

So would you like the secret to understanding what your kids are doing online?  It is a little known website called “Google”.  Learn how to use this search engine and you have the keys to the known universe (almost literally).  Like fashion, social networks fall in and out of favor with kids.  Learn what networks your kids are using and search those services out.  Find out what special features they offer and what users are using them for.  Another neat trick is to simply search your child specifically.  How you handle the information you glean is really a case by case thing, but I would recommend not rushing to call out your kid’s online activities if they aren’t doing anything dangerous.

Click here for an article on some of the popular social networks out there besides Facebook and what they are used for

Get Involved!

Get out there and learn to use social networking.  Facebook is a good start and will likely have a ton of people you know already on it.  It may not be a great idea to try to social network with your kids without first consulting them on it.  They may not be comfortable with you on their network and really you need to be okay with that.  Just starting to use social networking will get you familiar with the concept and the workings.  

Teach Your Kids About “Policy” and “Settings”!

Every social networking website has got privacy policies and settings.  You need to make yourself familiar and then in turn your kids with “privacy policies” and “security settings”.  In the social networking microcosm this is what literally allows you to setup who sees what you do online.  These policies and settings, as discussed above, are not an all-encompassing solution but will provide insight and a measure of protection for the user when understood properly.  Take the time to read them, and get your kids doing the same.

I hope this very brief look at social networking was valuable.  Please check out the links provided throughout the piece for more in-depth articles on the given subjects.

Click here to link to the Facebook "help" section which explains their privacy policy and security settings, as well as provides a "frequently asked questions" section

See you out there

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